So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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