So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
being pregnant is like rehab
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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