conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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