ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
