Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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