his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
