I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
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Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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