well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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