Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
