Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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