She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
