We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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