just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
