My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
