had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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