all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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