my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
