Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
