i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
