we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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