I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize