PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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