Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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