return my video game
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
