It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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