The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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