I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
