FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
