I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You ruined the universe
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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