conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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