nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
