Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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