god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
