I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
