just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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