He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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