um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
