mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
