evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
