why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
