I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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