I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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