There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
