you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
