he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
