This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
