my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
