we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
