Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
