At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
