I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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