I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
