i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The best revenge is premature balding
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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