My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
