some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Randomize
