Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
