I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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