Please, let me fuck your mom
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
