if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My feet surprised me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
