forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
