The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
