Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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