It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize