i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
