textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
ok first of all what the fuck
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
