Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
