I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
