Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
