i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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