Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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