And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
