Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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