Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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