Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
