i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
