8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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