So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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