WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
